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لا ترتكب (ي) هذه الأخطاء القاتلة في CV & Resume عند التقدم الي وظيفة ... بالإنجليزي !!!
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هذه مقتطفات من CVs & Resumes حقيقية تقدم بها طلاب و طالبات بعض الوظائف
The following were taken from real resumes and cover letters .
1. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience. 2. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms. 3. Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year. 4. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave. 5. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions. 6. Failed bar exam with relatively high grades. 7. Its best for employers that I not work with people. 8. Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience. 9. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time. 10. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details. 11. I was working for my mom until she decided to move. 12. Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments . 13. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse. 14. I am loyal to my employer at all costs ... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail. 15. I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing. 16. My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage. 17. I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant. 18. As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments. 19. Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far. 20. Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store. 21. Note: Please dont miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job. 22. Marital status: often. Children: various. 23. Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work under those conditions. 24. The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers. 25. Finished eighth in my class of ten. 26. References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me.
Actual lines out of U.S. Military OERs (Officer Efficiency Report): * Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. * Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching. * A room temperature IQ.. * Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together. * A prime candidate for natural deselection. * Bright as Alaska in December. * Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming * So dense, light bends around him. * If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate. * If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week. * Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby. * Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
Actual excerpts from Royal Navy and Marines officer fitness reports: * His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. * I would not breed from this officer. * He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction. * He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle. * This young lady has delusions of adequacy. * This medical officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar. * Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig. * She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them. * He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age. * Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap. * This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
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للمزيد هنا الرابط : http://www.thehumorarchives.com/joke/Thing_written_in_r...sumes_CV_reviews_etc
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(عدل بواسطة Mohamed Suleiman on 10-15-2006, 06:58 PM)
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