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 I am ashamed to be Sudanese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Said every day by my generation in different ways, I call it the denial syndrome, we are ashamed of it, it’s in the back of our mind, settled deep in our subconscious but we act as if it doesn’t exist.
That is why our behavior contradicts what we say, I say I am a proud Sudanese, yet I carry around bags with American or Canadian flags. I say I am a proud Sudanese, yet when I speak with Arabs, I speak their accent and not mine. I pretend I am loyal to my country and it’s my priority to improve it , yet I am a teaching students of other countries , building houses for other cities , educating other colleagues , working as a doctor , nurse , engineer for other countries . Building future for other countries’ youth, what happened to my dreams for Sudan? They are in blue print, why? Because if we had a chance we could go back and erase any link to Sudan, ethnicity wise. (I am telling it like it is) The other option is unrealistic, that is to change the current situation in Sudan, for Sudan to become civilized. Which option is more realistic? None, there we go, switching to the denial mode again.
This post is designed for the younger youth readers ‘if there is any’ in the middle of the elder arguments, fights and insults in this board. It’s hard to attract any of us.
If our generation isn’t loyal to Sudan and ashamed of it, I wonder why and what these people are fighting for?! .
I belong to the forgotten generation; we stand quite in the middle of the war for war. Watching as political parties fight for another war so as soon as they reach their primary goal they aim for their ultimate goal which is another war for their lasting power hungry souls are never dying and what do we , the youth , know about Sudan ? Only bloody war with old people fighting for their lust for power.
I congratulate the government for destroying the unborn coming generation, for certainly, the government had us running to refuge to other countries left and right. It hasn’t stopped at that , it is having us carrying other passports ( and bragging about it ) , it’s having millions of us singing some other country’s anthem every morning , joining some other country’s army , speaking some other language , cheering some other football team and holding and drawing some other flag. To us the color of Sudan’s flag is red like blood.
So young readers, what are you true, honest feelings about the situation in Sudan? How do you feel about the country that your parents belong to? What are your wishes and regrets?
I am attempting to define and go in-depth of what I can call a future Sudanese Identity crisis , for a solution to this crisis can not be resolved if the problem wasn’t defined and tracked. This is not a search to know whether Sudanese are Arabs or not , not to know which tribe is superior or which political party should rule , for all I know my generation doesn't care about any of this and that is why I believe it's an urgent matter, unfortunately this is a search to know if my generation and the future generation wants to be Sudanese to begin with!
For the non members don’t hesitate to email me your opinion so I can post it here for you
[email protected]
Respectfully,
Rawan Hamid
(عدل بواسطة Rawan Hamid on 05-12-2006, 00:17 AM)
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 Re: I am ashamed to be Sudanese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Re: Rawan Hamid)
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Luol Deng (born April 16, 1985 in Wow, Sudan) is a professional basketball player in the NBA.
Deng was born in Wow, Sudan, and has since lived in Egypt, the UK, as well as the United States. Deng has represented England at Under-16 and Under-19 level, and was an ambassador for the London 2012 Olympic Games bid.
In 2003, Deng was widely considered to be the second most promising player among U.S. high school seniors, after only LeBron James. He attended Blair Academy in New Jersey, along with Charlie Villanueva, another NBA draftee. Deng opted to play one season of college basketball for Duke University, after which he was chosen seventh overall in the 2004 NBA Draft. The pick was made by the Phoenix Suns, but Deng was immediately traded to the Chicago Bulls as part of a previous arrangement. In Chicago, he wears number 9 and plays the shooting guard and small forward positions. Deng suffered a season-ending wrist injury late in his rookie season but still made the NBA All-Rookie First Team. Considered a prototypical small forward, Deng's physical attributes and understanding of the game promise him a bright future.
Deng was a pure small forward, drafted as one in the NBA draft. That was his original position and he has played it throughout his NBA career, along with his college career.
(عدل بواسطة Rawan Hamid on 05-12-2006, 00:29 AM)
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Re: I am ashamed to be Sudanese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Re: Rawan Hamid)
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Manute Bol is a Sudanese/American basketball player and activist. Bol is 7'7" (2.31 m) tall. Until the debut of Gheorghe Muresan (who was supposedly a few millimeters taller), Manute was undisputedly the tallest player ever to appear in the National Basketball Association. He blocked 397 shots during the 1985-1986 season, a rookie record. Manute also holds the all time NBA record for most blocked shots per minute, (.176). At 15, the Dinka herdsman killed a marauding lion with his spear while it lay sleeping – a feat his agent noted during his contract negotiations
Bol is believed to have been born on October 16, 1962 in either Turalie or Gogrial, Sudan. He is the son of a Dinka tribal chief, who gave him the name "Manute," which means "special blessing." His paternal grandfather was said to have been 7'10" (2.39 m) tall, and he claims to have a younger sister who is 6'10" (2.08 m). Conversely, his father is said to be a modest 5' 10" (1.78 m) and his mother only 5' 7" (1.70 m).
Bol moved to the United States at age 18 after being recruited by representatives of Fairleigh Dickinson University. He chipped a tooth by getting it caught on the net when he tried to slam dunk for the first time. He later attended Cleveland State University despite not having a strong command of written English. Bol played one year of college basketball at the University of Bridgeport.
He was drafted by the San Diego Clippers in the 5th round of the 1983 NBA Draft, then in the 2nd round of 1985 Draft by the Washington Bullets. In 1987, the Bullets also drafted the five-foot-three (1.60 m) Muggsy Bogues, and the sight of the two players together became a sought-after shot for sports photographers. Due to his height and extremely long limbs, Bol was one of the league's most imposing defensive presences, blocking shots at a nearly unprecedented rate. However, his other basketball skills were very limited, and his rail-thin physique made it difficult for him to establish position against the league's physical centers and power forwards. The sight of the tall, gangly Bol spotting up for a three-pointer during blow-outs became a fan favorite. Off the court, Manute established a reputation as a practical joker; Charles Barkley, a frequent victim of his pranks, testified to Bol's sense of humor. He also developed a close friendship with teammate, Chris Mullin.
Over the course of his career, Bol averaged 2.6 points, 4.2 rebounds, 0.3 assists and 3.3 blocks per game while only playing an average of 18.7 minutes per game. Bol is the only player in the history of the NBA to block over 300 shots in his first 2 seasons. He played in the NBA for nine years, from 1986 to 1995, spending 3 seasons with the Bullets, 2 with the Golden State Warriors, 3 with the Philadelphia 76ers and 1 with the Miami Heat. After the end of his NBA career, Bol played 22 games for the Florida Beach Dogs of the CBA in 1995-96 before he played professionally in Italy and Qatar before rheumatism forced him to retire permanently.
Bol was very active in charitable causes throughout his career. He frequently visited Sudanese refugee camps, where he was treated like royalty. In 2001, however, he was held against his will by the ruling Islamic government because of his support of the Dinka-led Christian rebels, the Sudan People's Liberation Army. The Sudanese government refused to grant him an exit visa. Through intervention by friends in the United States, including Sen. Joseph Lieberman, Manute was finally able to return to the United States.
He established the Ring True Foundation in order to continue fundraising for Sudanese refugees. He has given most of his fortune (an estimated $3.5 million) to their cause. In 2002, Fox TV agreed to broadcast the telephone number of his Ring True Foundation in exchange for Bol's agreement to appear on their Celebrity Boxing show. He scored a third-round victory over former football player William "The Refrigerator" Perry. Later that year, Bol signed a one-day contract with the Indianapolis Ice of the Central Hockey League to raise money for the Sudanese, and also had a brief stint as a horse jockey for similar reasons.
On June 30 of the same year, he was seriously injured when a taxi he was riding in flipped and crashed in Connecticut, killing the driver. It was later determined that the taxi driver had been driving under the influence. Bol was thrown from the taxi and suffered major injuries, the most severe of which were three broken vertebrae in his neck. However, after a grueling rehab and with support from several friends and former teammates, he is now able to walk without a cane. He appeared for a ceremonial tip-off at a Chicago Bulls game in April 2005.
During his time in Egypt, Bol ran a basketball school in Cairo. One of his pupils was fellow Sudanese refugee Luol Deng, the son of a former Sudanese cabinet minister. Deng's family eventually received political asylum in the United Kingdom. Luol later moved to the United States to further his basketball career, continuing a close relationship with Manute. After an All-American freshman season at Duke University, Deng became the seventh overall pick in the 2004 NBA Draft and was selected to the 2004-05 All-Rookie First Team.
More recently, Bol has been involved in the Sudan Freedom Walk, a three-week march from the United Nations building in New York to the US Capitol in Washington, DC. The Walk was organized by Simon Deng, a former Sudanese swimming champion (currently a lifeguard at Coney Island) who is a longtime friend of Bol's. Deng, who was a slave for three years from the age of nine, is from another tribe in Southern Sudan. His Sudan Freedom Walk is especially aimed at finding a solution to the genocide in Darfur (western Sudan), but it also seeks to raise awareness of the modern day slavery and human rights abuses throughout Sudan. Though unable to participate in the bulk of the walking, Bol spoke in New York at the start of the Walk, and in Philadelphia at a rally organized by former hunger striker Nathan Kleinman. He also intends to speak at the closing rally on the Capitol steps on April 5th, 2006.
Manute Bol currently lives in West Hartford, Connecticut. The Ring True Foundation can be reached at 866-547-8326 (in the United States).
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Re: I am ashamed to be Sudanese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Re: Rawan Hamid)
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Mende Nazer -- from slavery to freedom
Featured in the Reporter October 2003
On 15 October 2003, Sudan Vice President Ali Osman Taha and Sudan People's Liberation Movement/Army leader John Garang met in Kenya to launch the final stage of peace talks to end Africa's longest civil war. These talks provide a significant opportunity to end slavery in Sudan. Since 1986, an estimated 14,000 people have been abducted and forced into slavery.
Mende Nazer is an escaped slave from Sudan, currently living in London since winning her asylum case. She met Anti-Slavery International's Press Officer Beth Herzfeld to tell her story -- past and present, and her hopes for the future.
"I was living in a village, Karko, in the Nuba mountains with my parents, two sisters and two brothers. We had a very simple life. One night, when I was 12 or 13, we heard a noise outside. The village was under fire. People were screaming and there was confusion. We didn't know what we had to do, my dad said 'Mende, trust me, grab me hard.' I clung on to him and he told my mum to stay close to me. We had to run, we had to survive.
When we finally reached the mountains, raiders were everywhere. We couldn't escape. Many people were dead. We ran and ran; we had nowhere to hide. It was very crowded and I lost my dad. Somebody caught at me and said 'I will protect you and I will take you back to your parents later.' I said okay. I believed him really because it was very dangerous. I saw people being killed in front of me; they killed the people at night, and raped the girls… [He] took me from this place to somewhere in the forest.
When I got there I found some girls and boys there and stayed with them, he said to stay there. They were around 10 and 12 years old.
We were happy because we all thought we were going back to our parents later. But after a while, all the raiders came and took everybody to a place called Geling, about a day's walk away. I was there for a few days; everyday people came and took children away. A man came to the camp and chose us; I was taken in a car with five other girls to a house in a place called Khartoum. He would not let us out. We had to work all day. One by one the girls were taken away. One day, a woman came and took me away. This is my new life ... this is a hard time; I stayed with this woman for six or seven years.
I had to do very hard work, I had to do everything: clean the house and big yard, wash clothes by hand and look after her children; [over time] there were five. After she saw I was clean she had me cook.
Everything that was mine was kept separate …. After a while, I started to play with the children, and the children liked to play with me; I liked to play, I was still a child…. Before [being captured] I was in school, now I am not ... I was beaten for every single thing, even for something that was not my fault.
At first I wanted to leave, but I couldn't because there was nowhere to go and I had no money and I could not go to the police.
From the beginning in my master's house I didn't realise I was a slave, I was confused; I wondered why I was here. Later on, my master was talking to her friend and she said two things that made me realise. One was she mentioned she owned me. The other, she called me 'Abda' to her friend. She called me her slave. From that time on I understood who I am. From the beginning she treated me badly and beat me; even then I couldn't understand why. It was only when she said she was my owner and that she called me Abda then I understood.
One day she told me I was going to London. I cried because it meant I would be farther from my family. My master told me what to say [for the visa]. She told me a name to give [it was false] of the person I would work for and told me to say that I was only cleaning and washing dishes. I was asked how long I was going to stay and what I would earn. I said I didn't know -- he [the interviewer] was surprised -- so the interview ended. I was given a letter to give to my master [with these questions]. She said I would be there six months and the amount I would earn.
She took me to the airport and said I would be collected. I worked in London as a domestic. My master in Khartoum instructed me to behave myself and obey the new master and do the same sort of work I did
for her."
After several months Mende escaped. She was taken to a solicitor's office and claimed asylum. After two years' of pressure, the Home Office rejected her claim in October 2002. "I was crying and crying. They would kill me if I went back to Sudan. I felt like killing myself."
In November, the Home Office overturned its decision and granted Mende asylum based on further information provided by her many supporters including such human rights groups as Anti-Slavery International.
"Now I feel I'm free because I am doing things I never used to do before … For me the reason for talking out is to help make another slave free -- not just a slave from Sudan, but from anywhere in the world. By talking out, people will be more aware and more able to help people become free.
Now I am studying to improve my English. My hope first is to see my family and to be a nurse."
Mende Nazer's full story, Slave, written by Mende Nazer and Damien Lewis, is published by Virago
in the United Kingdom and is also available in the United States, Germany, Italy and Spain.
source
http://www.antislavery.org/homepage/news/mendenazarfeature.htm
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Re: I am ashamed to be Sudanese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Re: Rawan Hamid)
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Dear Rawan This very moving peace you have wrote, you should feel proud of yourself that at least you are doing something about your generation dilemma, you are on the right track through expressing your self make your concern available to all, your heartfelt appeal to our old self obsessed generation is good start, I hope there many could listen and understand what your generation are going through. My best bit about exile and identity is written by Lebanese writer although he is first generation he might touch some the issues you raised here. His book titled In the Name of Identity: Violence and the Need to Belong Amin Maalouf wrote: HOW MANY TIMES, since I left Lebanon in 1976 to live in France, have people asked me, with the best intentions in the world, whether. I felt “more French” or “more Lebanese”? And I always give the same answer “Both” I say that not in the interests of fairness or balance, but because any other answer would be a lie. What make me my self rather than any one else is the very fact that I am poised between two countries, two or three languages and several cultural traditions, it precisely this what define my identity. Would I exits more authentically if I cut part of myself. To those who pose the question, I patiently explain that I was born in Lebanon until I was 27; that Arabic is my mother tongue language; that it was in Arabic translation I first read Dumas and Dickens and Gulliver’s travels; and that my native village that I experience the pleasure of child hood and heard some of the stories that were later inspired my novels. How I could forget all that? How I could cast it a side? On the other hand I lived 22 years in the soil of France; I drink her water and wine every day my hands touch her ancient stones, I write my books in her language never again she will be foreign country to me. So I am half Lebanese half French? Of course not. Identity can’t be compartmentalized; you can’t divide it up into halves or third other several segments. I haven’t got several identities; I have got just one, made up of many components in a mixture that is unique to me, just as other people identity unique to them as individuals. Sometime, after I have been given a detail account of exactly why I lay claims to all my affiliations, someone and comes and pat into my on the shoulder and says “of course, of course-but what you really feel, deep down inside?” For long time I find this often-repeated question is amusing, but it no longer make me smile, it seem to reflect view of humanity which, though wide spread, its also dangerous, its presupposes that “deep down inside” every one there is just one affiliation that is really matters, a kind of “fundamental truth” about each individual an “essence” that determined once and for all at birth, never to change there after. As if the rest—a person’s journey through time as free agent, the beliefs he acquired through that journey; his own individual, tastes and sensibilities and affinities, in short his life itself count for nothing. Website link: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0142002577/104-4756189...56?v=glance&n=283155
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Re: I am ashamed to be Sudanese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Re: Rawan Hamid)
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First non member response
Dear Rawan,
I just read your post in Sudaneseonline.com. I must say, very well written!
I come from the new generation and I never lived in Sudan, but yet I consider myself Sudanese and a proud one too. However, I must say I do dislike a few things about our traditions and cultures, and I feel like we should try to eliminate a few of those from our traditions. Besides what is culture except a habit liked by a lot and practiced over and over and it becomes part of our lifestyle. So if I carry with me some American thoughts or any other Arab or Middle Eastern cultures does that make me less of a Sudanese person or just more of a person?
The different types of government that ruled Sudan over the years have always corrupted our country, but yet older generations have lived through it and are still loyal to Sudan. Being loyal to your country does not mean we have to agree to what the leaders in our country have to say.
I have met many people from all over the world, a lot of people have that identity crises. There has been so many times when I would ask an obviously asian looking person where are you from and they would answer, "my parents are from Korea or Chinese, but I am from Virginia! " At least I have never met a Sudanese person with that answer... yet! So as much as we might be ashamed of what our country has become because of the wars and destructions I have a feeling that deep in our hearts we are all proud to be Sudanese.
We need to stop and think, What are we really ashamed of? Our country? well "Allahu A3lam but it looks like its going to the better. (That's what everyone that goes back for a vacation says! )
Are we ashamed of our government? Well hey we are not the only country with the corrupted government, I think that applies to every country in the world!
Our Language? Arabic is the most eloquent and most beautiful language I have studied. and our dialect, is the closest to the classical arabic. That's something we can be proud of.
If it is culture, then we just need to pick and choose i guess and do a little spring cleaning in that and we will be good. I know its easier said that done, but I think it's possible. Education is the key!
We have a lot to be really proud of since we are from Sudan, but we need to take that negative thoughts and focus more on our positive sides and develop them and make it more well known.
--
With Regards,
Isra Elkhazin
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Re: I am ashamed to be Sudanese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Re: Rawan Hamid)
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Dear Rawan
I read your peace on Sudaenseonline I am really very impressed by
your sentiment, many people there are using Arabic but there is good
list via email, mixture of Sudanese non Sudanese old and young you can
join us if you want, are you interested?
Regards,
ahmed
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Re: I am ashamed to be Sudanese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Re: Rawan Hamid)
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Quote: Dear Rawan
This very moving peace you have wrote, you should feel proud of yourself that at least you are doing something about your generation dilemma, you are on the right track through expressing your self make your concern available to all, your heartfelt appeal to our old self obsessed generation is good start, I hope there many could listen and understand what your generation are going through.
My best bit about exile and identity is written by Lebanese writer although he is first generation he might touch some the issues you raised here |
.
Dear Mr. Ahmed Ameen
Thanks for sharing your opinion with my lost generation and thanks again for the beautiful book , I can definitely relate to his story and I am sure a lot of young people do.
The messages we receive from Sudan are pushing us further and other countries are adopting our talents and what we have to offer, unfortuantely what we feel about Sudan is through the so little positive stories we hear from our parents , those stories are gone and what is left is the newly violence news and civil war.
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Re: I am ashamed to be Sudanese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Re: Rawan Hamid)
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| Quote: I feel your pain and share some of the shame. But please do not bring the Mende lies into this noble post. |
Thanks Mr. Walid
I don't know how credible is her story , but we should not deny that slavory still exist in Sudan , and she simply may be one of thoes unfortunate ones .
thank you for taking the time to read my simple post and share your feelings
respectfully
Rawan
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Re: I am ashamed to be Sudanese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Re: Rawan Hamid)
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Quote: First non member response
Dear Rawan,
I just read your post in Sudaneseonline.com. I must say, very well written!
I come from the new generation and I never lived in Sudan, but yet I consider myself Sudanese and a proud one too. However, I must say I do dislike a few things about our traditions and cultures, and I feel like we should try to eliminate a few of those from our traditions. Besides what is culture except a habit liked by a lot and practiced over and over and it becomes part of our lifestyle. So if I carry with me some American thoughts or any other Arab or Middle Eastern cultures does that make me less of a Sudanese person or just more of a person?
The different types of government that ruled Sudan over the years have always corrupted our country, but yet older generations have lived through it and are still loyal to Sudan. Being loyal to your country does not mean we have to agree to what the leaders in our country have to say.
I have met many people from all over the world, a lot of people have that identity crises. There has been so many times when I would ask an obviously asian looking person where are you from and they would answer, "my parents are from Korea or Chinese, but I am from Virginia! " At least I have never met a Sudanese person with that answer... yet! So as much as we might be ashamed of what our country has become because of the wars and destructions I have a feeling that deep in our hearts we are all proud to be Sudanese.
We need to stop and think, What are we really ashamed of? Our country? well "Allahu A3lam but it looks like its going to the better. (That's what everyone that goes back for a vacation says! )
Are we ashamed of our government? Well hey we are not the only country with the corrupted government, I think that applies to every country in the world!
Our Language? Arabic is the most eloquent and most beautiful language I have studied. and our dialect, is the closest to the classical arabic. That's something we can be proud of.
If it is culture, then we just need to pick and choose i guess and do a little spring cleaning in that and we will be good. I know its easier said that done, but I think it's possible. Education is the key!
We have a lot to be really proud of since we are from Sudan, but we need to take that negative thoughts and focus more on our positive sides and develop them and make it more well known.
--
With Regards,
Isra Elkhazin |
Dear Isra,
I appreciate the fact that you spent the time reading and responding to this post , for a second ,I thought no one from my generation comes to read whats up on this board , it only explains your true desire to read and update yourself about your home country , and that shows that you are genuine about your feelings about Sudan , and that's just great .You are right we need to be positive and there is definitely room for that in this post . There is also room for those feelings we have that we are ashamed of talking about , regarding Sudan of course . like how I used to wish my Geography teacher will never mention Sudan in the all Arab class , why ? because whenever she does , she only mentions it as an example of countries who are suffering from poverty and starvation , or that we produce glue . I know Sudan has more beautiful things I can learn about , definitely more than the deserts where those Arabs are living , I see it in my parents eyes , I hear it in the sudanese music , and see it in peoples' faces, I can't relate to it though , neither can other thousands of this spread generation
perhaps we can find away to start loving Sudan , or maybe start this pure relationship
excluding the government in the picture because it can only add blood and shame
until , my answer to this question is yes , I still remain in the denial mode I mentioned earlier, the question is :
Am I willing to die for my country??or at least sacrifice life's luxuries to save my country , because for now I can't even sacrifice a summer vacation , and I am keeping it real lol
thanks
Isra
I want to hear from you again 
P.S I have met Sudanese who say my parents are from Sudan , but I am an American!!
lots of respect
Rawan
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Re: I am ashamed to be Sudanese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Re: Rawan Hamid)
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Quote: Dear Rawan
I read your peace on Sudaenseonline I am really very impressed by
your sentiment, many people there are using Arabic but there is good
list via email, mixture of Sudanese non Sudanese old and young you can
join us if you want, are you interested?
Regards,
ahmed |
Dear Mr. Ahmed
I appreciate your compliment , thank you very much. I may have addressed the younger readers , BUT EVERYONE IS WELCOME , ALL AGES , BACKGROUNDS NATIONALITIES ,
please feel free to invite anyone who can contribute to this post . I agree with you , posts written in English can be ignored in this board , but we are here to change that
lots of respect
Rawan
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Re: I am ashamed to be Sudanese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Re: Rawan Hamid)
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I'm Proud to be Sudanese..
Where is the Youth hope in your words?
if we didn't find what we really need, should we just give up?
since we know the fact that things needs to be
better then; we're half way
to reach our goals...
Rawan, I completely understand where is the anger came from in your words..
but at the same time I think your generation, mine, and all generations cares about Sudan should have a better View for the Future of HOME
and I think it starts with hope, knowledge, and Great education.
Regards,
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Re: I am ashamed to be Sudanese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Re: Rawan Hamid)
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Soumeta Wrote
Quote:
Where is the Youth hope in your words?
if we didn't find what we really need, should we just give up?
since we know the fact that things needs to be
better then; we're half way
to reach our goals...
Rawan, I completely understand where is the anger came from in your words..
but at the same time I think your generation, mine, and all generations cares about Sudan should have a better View for the Future of HOME
and I think it starts with hope, knowledge, and Great education.
Regards, |
Thanks Soumeta for coming by and expressing your opinion,
I need to clarify and point out to you that , this post focuses on the hidden side of our feelings towards Sudan .As a generation that never lived in Sudan and rarely knows anything about it . Knowledge is what I seek , the question remains knowledge of what?? I say knowledge of those negative feelings that stay within , that I am denial of , and as you can see from the previous posts that other people share the same feelings,so it remains an existing "unspoken of" problem or growing phenomna . In order for us to follow your advice which I believe is great , but can be a little idealistic , is first to eliminate the anger within , the shame that was/is built within from the society that surrounds us , whether it was built from biases , or discrimination , or simply ignorance , it has to be removed , so I aim to define those emotions and track their roots and then get rid of them , without that It's hard to apply your suggestion , me or alot of other people.
You are lucky if you feel you are totally devoted to Sudan and you are completely proud , obviously you were brought up in a supporting atmosphere that kept your loyalty to Sudan alive , however thousands of other Sudanese don't share you the same great circumstances.
your suggestions to increase the hope for us will be truly appreciated, so why don't you give us
?some advices
lots of respect
Rawan
(عدل بواسطة Rawan Hamid on 05-12-2006, 10:10 PM)
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Re: I am ashamed to be Sudanese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Re: Rawan Hamid)
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Mr. Saif wrote
Quote: الاخت العزيزة روان اتفهم غضبك لما آلت اليه الاوضاع فى بلادنا ولكن يجب علينا أن نفرق بين حب الوطن والذى هو بداخله يحمل الكثير من المعانى التى من خلالها نبرز وجهنا للاخرين ولكى ان تعلمى أن اى شخص لا يحترم ويعتد بوطنه و نشيد علمه وثقافته لن يجد احترام من الاخرين ولو كانوا فى مقام الاعدا�.
الشئ المهم هو أن الصراع والمشاكل الحالية فى كل بقاع الارض جز� كبير يرجع لمسألة الهوية والثقافة، ومثال لذلك ما يعانى منه الامريكيين من اصول أفريقية ، فمشكلتهم فى النهاية فى بحثهم عن جزورهم ، فلذلك يجب عليك ان تعتذى بأنك سودانية ، والا سوف تطاردك الكثير من لعنات من تتفوهين لهم بمثل هذه الاشيا� ، فالرحمة والغفران للشاعر والاديب الاستاذ احمد محمد صالح والذى نظم قصيدة نشيد العلم ، وأتمنى لو تم انزالها فى هذا البوسط.
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Dear Saif
Thank you for you kind words, I always keep my pride if not for being Sudanese , I keep it for being African , and I know if I don't respect my self and where I come from I can't demand respect. I remember my father always taught me how to talk back to Arabs if they disrespect me , he made sure I am proud of who I am , and I let no one at school make fun of the fact that I am Sudanese. He used to say if one loses his pride he loses his soul and dignity , and all the money in the world can't make up for ones pride . I make it a fact with Canadians to mention where I am from , with great proud , no question!
I am sharing this in this site , obviously Sudanese members , that this pride is half (if not all) fake!, I don't tell strangers that , but it's a valid feeling that is not going to vanish , and apparently I am not the only person who feels that way.
For your information , even these feelings aren't limited to the generation that is born out side of Sudan . It is a phenomena in the heart of Sudan , New teenagers walking around dressed up in baggy jeans , listening to rap music , and relating to African Americans as if they are one of them .
A well known problem to globalization that is not only affecting countries that are corrupted like Sudan , but well developed countries such as Canada and the US.
Globalization is slowly erasing culture, religion , values , loyalty to ones homeland. Research has proven this , what makes us at a worse risk??? that along with globalization our government is happily watching us pushed further and further from Sudan,
That makes us at a double risk of losing our identity,
You see Saif , when we have a whole generation that knows the history , values and cultures of
other countries other than their own , we have a problem , a serious problem
and when we have teenagers in Sudan identifying them selves with other teenagers in North America and sharing 50 Cent and Paris Hilton values , we have another serious problem.
I am afraid a day will come when the poets you have mentioned are only available in the minds of the previous generation , with a country full of people who are no longer interested in it's own culture and values.
Maybe we can do something about it, lets find out what we can do!
with respect
Rawan .
(عدل بواسطة Rawan Hamid on 05-12-2006, 10:14 PM)
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Re: I am ashamed to be Sudanese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Re: Rawan Hamid)
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Dear Rawan,
I am from a generation that is considered lucky compared to today's generation, especially those born in the "diaspora", despite that, I am just like you, feeling somehow ashamed, I have never been ashamed of who I am when I lived in Sudan, but lately, shame has crept into my soul." Don't get me wrong, I am not ashamed of who I really am per se, but rather ashamed of the images I see in my coworkers' and colleagues' eyes when I mention the name "Sudan".
I dont' think it's only Sudanese who feel ashamed of their identity, but I think -as you have mentioned- in the globalization era, where images of a country can make or break it, it is no wonder that most of us who were born to nations that are considered "under-develped", "third-world countries", and other demeaning and patronizing terms can not feel any sense of pride in their cultures or identities.
Haunted by the daily images in the news of war, human cruelty, poverty, and so called "primitive" living conditions invitably you internalize negative feelings of shame, low-self esteem, anger towards one's identity, and finally apathy toward what this identity means to you. Like it or not, Cameras don't search for anything in Africa, but for misery and proof of "backwardness". This is how the whole world sees us, and because we allowed ourselves to be viewed and perceived this way, we ultimately believed it, and started dwelling on our feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness.
In contrast, bombarded by Hollywood images of white beauty, and bought into the stock Markets myth and the invincibility of the capitalist system, we find our self-image shrinking further more.
I hate to admit it, but in this current state of world affairs, being poor makes you invisible and unworthy.
(عدل بواسطة Outcast on 05-13-2006, 01:57 AM)
(عدل بواسطة Outcast on 05-13-2006, 02:00 AM)
(عدل بواسطة Outcast on 05-13-2006, 02:00 AM)
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Re: I am ashamed to be Sudanese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Re: Outcast)
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As sad as this might sound , an overwhelming majority of people are ashamed to be sudanese , and count me in as well . Once you wrote this to me and you may have wondered why i didn't get back to you as i said i would . I had many chances ,but i didn't .
Your words are/were so true and here they fit well as they did on the other post... . It sorrowed me how shorthanded we are that we can’t make changes . We may go out and shout NO ,donate money , etc however there is still something missing i can't name . Why do we have to kill one another and a few days ,months ,years later feel bad about it ? . sometimes I don’t understand things around me . I see Sudanese trying to kill Sudanese for the sake of money ,taking charge , etc .. I’m very much ashamed to be Sudanese and very much I share the same reasons with you . I’m very sad because I can’t teach a Sudanese person that he /she doesn’t have to kill his follow Sudanese brother . Why can’t us read and see what other nations did to overpass this civil wars stages . Why do we have to have a civil wars ? I have to agree sometimes people find no other ways ,but to use force in order to regain rights or commands . It hurts me knowing a war is forced among us . I’m I the only one who doesn’t see a way out ? … after all , we are living a sad chapter of our life .. Ya Rwan .. Keep it up . ..We are coming soon ..
On another note .. May I add you to my yahoo .. Thanks .. Muhib ..
Quote: Dear Muhib,
I agree with a lot of what you wrote , and have respect too, so take your hat and wear it , For the options you claim the old generation lacked and we have , I have a comment to add , that is , the options were always existing , for us and for them , what didn't exist is the humiliation , stress , physical and emotional abuse , massacres , rape ,famine , and a huge number of people ding from starvation while others on the other side of the country die because of obese related disease , all this increase by the second esp. after the current blood sucking power hungry shameless gangsta like government , so people like us " new generation' chose other options , that always existed but never reached a point to take roads that were temporary closed opened and people fled different direction seeking refuge , shelter , food , education , respectful life and most importantly they went looking for a place to save whatever is left from their dignity . Our new generation is undertaking a difficult mission or a test that is an identity crises prevention , when thousands of us are born out side the borders of Sudan and face life with a big whole in their soul empty from passion to Sudan , unfortunately only seen in people who are living in Sudan or were there at one point in their lives .I believe as a member of this generation , I need to first fill that whole with real emotions and it's hard when all you hear about is starvation , genocide and shameful acts of shameless people taking power of the poor , exhausted Sudan. Not and easy mission , but as they say if there is a will there is a way. God willing.
with respect
Rawan Hamid |
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Re: I am ashamed to be Sudanese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Re: Rawan Hamid)
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Dear Outcast,
Thank you, you have clearly touched the roots of the problem, apparently there are so many factors that are playing a role in our feelings toward Sudan. One of them for sure is the so-called White privilege , that causes our low self-esteem and detach us from our African roots , to only become white ‘wanna bes’ or like some of my friends jokingly call me “ white wash” or an ‘ Oreo’ black from the out side and white from the inside . This is a result of a lot of things of course, however, regardless of these things, they wouldn’t have existed if I had been brought up in the right atmosphere which rarely occurs.
My parents did their best, but they can only do so much. They can’t stop the whispering and name calling at school. They can’t stop all my teachers from being bias because I am an Afro-Arab; they can’t change the whole society. One thing I am glad they have put in me is to critically think and analyze my surroundings, and not to buy in to everything.
As we know a strong and a valid part of our self-concept is what other people perceive in us , so whether I like or not ,what those Arabs or North Americans think of me , is a part of what I think of my self.
Dear Outcast, as you can see loyalty to Sudan has lots of faces and perspectives that can’t be controlled and one can not be side blinded and think precisely when it comes to our dislike of our relationship with Sudan.
I am hoping we can, point out what is wrong, to help change it to be right.
Thank you for sharing your opinion and please stay around
Respectfully
Rawan
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Re: I am ashamed to be Sudanese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Re: Rawan Hamid)
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Dear Muhib,
You should be feeling proud of your self, you know why? Because you are keeping it real, you are not carrying around fake slogans pretending you are willing to die for Sudan , when you won’t even bother to attend a rally for Human Rights violations in Darfur . I hope you understand what I am trying to say. A lot of us, young and old carry around a fake pride and a conditional love for Sudan. Some say they are proud to be Sudanese, but you take a look at them , their life style and you find no traces of Sudan . Again they are being denial. It’s easier to fit in when you follow a crowd but to stand out and say hold it hold it , I am ashamed to be Sudanese , I wish I never was Sudanese if I was ever given a choice no way on earth I would have chosen Sudan as my home land . Then you can ask why do I feel like this? it must have been something that I have experienced some where along my life that made me feel this way , how come I can’t relate to anyone who has some love for Sudan.
You ask questions like , which army would I join if Sudan and my native country went to war , or both football teams played against each other , I will say Sudan not because my heart feels like it , but that’s the right thing to say and acceptable by the society .No , that is a lie , matter of fact I don’t care who plays what or who wins what , and why should I bother.
That was how I thought few years ago , confused to where I should feel like I belong , they call us the third cultured generation , to me that’s just another term for confused and care-free generation . A perfect product , we are so peaceful we don’t care who violates our rights because we don’t even know we have rights to begin with . We are caught up into fitting in , blinding in , like snakes we change colors , we won’t want to stand out because the only thing we want now is survival and questions like where are your parents are originally from hit us hard because it’s the part of the conversation where you like to speak of the least . You go like I am originally Sudanese But I was born in the Gulf and now I am Canadian. It’s funny because you feel like you area combo or a cocktail you come with everything lol.
Thanks for copying my previous comment to this post , I was amazed on how it nicely fit into this post.
After reading different people’s views , God willing , I want to list roots and reasons of our feelings and try to find a cure or a solution , maybe who knows , a time will come when that place , gap or whole that is empty and has Sudan written on , in our hearts , perhaps it could be filled with optimism and hope and eventually love for Sudan .
inshAlah
lots of respect and please stick around
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Re: I am ashamed to be Sudanese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Re: Rawan Hamid)
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Miss Isra Wrote
Dear Rawan,
I ,too, at one point have asked myself that question. Am I willing to die for my country? And I don't deny it, at one point of my life I was like die for what? What has my country ever offered me? I don't have anything in Sudan, except a few family members who I used to visit ever two years. Why should I be loyal to a country that was never loyal to me. It drove my parents out, to provide for me and my siblings a better life, and a better upbringing. If I was brought up in Sudan would I have been offered anything? Would I have had the same opportunity that I was given living in UAE? And I was convinced totally that there is no reason why I should be loyal to Sudan.
This was only three years ago!
Now, I believe that we have to differentiate between the country, the government and the people of the country. We can't deny that our people are the the nicest, kindest, and most welcoming people. You feel their kindess miles away! We are known in the world to be the kindest people. You know, in UAE there was a street called "share3 alsudan" after many years they changed it to "share3 al karama." Sudanese people in UAE were furious about it. Sheikh Zayed "Allah yer7amu" said why are you mad? Everyone knows that "alkarama" is one of the characteristics of Sudanese people. LOL it might have been 7anak to shut them up, but when you think about it, it's true!
I loved it when you said, " I know Sudan has more beautiful things I can learn about , definitely more than the deserts where those Arabs are living , I see it in my parents eyes , I hear it in the sudanese music , and see it in peoples' faces"
This is exactly how I started loving Sudan. It started by listening to our music. I have to admit it started by "a'3ani hab6a" but now I am into Wardi, Mustafa Sid Ahmed and even the oldies ... al 7aqeeba!! I didn't at first understand half of it, but I had friends who were very patient with me and were willing to teach me more and more. Then they start telling me stories about how their life was in Sudan before coming to the US. Honestly, when compared to my life in UAE.... mine was so boring! School is different there, friends are different there, living within families, grandmothers and grandfathers, everything is different. Simple stories about how they used to stand in line for bread, or how they would jump the school's wall to go the little restaurant that's close by and they would all gather around and just eat "fool" Stories they tell about their families, tricks they play on each other, how their grandmother would do or talk about a certain thing. And I noticed I am missing that. I am very formal with my grandmother, because I see her once every two years or now its been 5 years.
But back to the question would I die for my country now? I wouldn't put myself into any sort of danger unless I totally believe that it is the right thing to do. Meaning, if it is a civil war I doubt that I would do that. At least I dont think its natural to kill your own people. But if Israel was to invade our country, I would definitely be there!!!
Sorry if this response was too long, I got carried away!
--
With Regards,
Isra Elkhazin
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Re: I am ashamed to be Sudanese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Re: Rawan Hamid)
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Quote: Dear Muhib,
You should be feeling proud of your self, you know why? Because you are keeping it real, you are not carrying around fake slogans pretending you are willing to die for Sudan , when you won’t even bother to attend a rally for Human Rights violations in Darfur . I hope you understand what I am trying to say. A lot of us, young and old carry around a fake pride and a conditional love for Sudan. Some say they are proud to be Sudanese, but you take a look at them , their life style and you find no traces of Sudan . Again they are being denial. It’s easier to fit in when you follow a crowd but to stand out and say hold it hold it , I am ashamed to be Sudanese , I wish I never was Sudanese if I was ever given a choice no way on earth I would have chosen Sudan as my home land . Then you can ask why do I feel like this? it must have been something that I have experienced some where along my life that made me feel this way , how come I can’t relate to anyone who has some love for Sudan |
I know what you mean .If the truth kills , I’m already a dead man .. .. Up up up
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Re: I am ashamed to be Sudanese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Re: Muhib)
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Dear Rawan,
My generation might be the last generation that closed an era- Pre-Islamic extremism, if we can label it that way- and a new era of “Inqaz generation” has begun after we left Sudan. As you rightfully mentioned, we did that to gather our scattered pride, to break away from the humiliation and fear, and to start new lives and new families hoping for freedom, peace, and respect.
I have been in the U.S. for many years, and my journey here has been quite different from what I had expected when I packed my bags, headed to the airport, and sworn not to look back again. I was quite hurt and run-down at the time, both emotionally and physically. See Rawan, sometimes we take extremely opposing views when we evaluate and judge our lives and realities, we take extreme routes of either unquestioned acceptance or unequivocal rejection. Coming to the U.S., I was searching for a paradise on earth, driven by my own beliefs about the western culture and its moral superiority and kindness. Apparently I knew nothing about the inner dynamics of the American society, its own hypocritical aspects and its uncompromising prejudices. Now, being equipped with the knowledge of two contrasting cultures, I have a new revelation, I have drawn my own picture, reconstructed my own view of the world, and of my own identity. I am finally able to find the balance between two extremes. I don’t have to romanticize my identity to be able to respect it and live with it. They say, if you love someone, you have to accept him/her as is, accept his/her badness with his/her goodness, don’t try to reshape him/her according to a perfect model you wish for.
Don’t feel compelled to be proud of something that you deeply question. Understanding it, rather than romanticizing it, is the best way to respect it. All cultures contain aspects that are noble and ethical, and aspects that are not worthy of respecting. It all depends on maintaining an open and critical mind.
As a parent for an eight- years old daughter who is very socially perceptive, I am living her agony of trying to identify with her Sudanese identity, while trying to find a place among her peers. I have noticed that she is holding a deep resentment for her African/Sudanese/whatever identity. When she was in Kindergarten, she was deeply hurt by the somewhat rhetorically-scripted recitation of Martin Luther King’s quest for social justice. She was deeply hurt beyond belief of how black people lived and been perceived in America for the last two centuries. Now I have noticed that she wants to disassociate herself with any African “black” culture. As you have smartly mentioned, as a parent, I can only do much to make her believe in her identity and keep her self-esteem intact. It hurts me to see her hurt and confused by the contradicting messages she is getting from her teachers, peers, TVs, and popular culture.
As a mother, I feel like holding her forever in my arms and protecting her from an unfair and cruel world, but as a rational human being I know I can not stop her from living and experiencing, the good as well as the bad. All I can do is to stress the positive things that come with being “different”, being who she is. I know that I can never expect her to “love” Sudan the way I do because simply she can not- and will never- relate to my experience. Why do you love a place? Mainly because it gives you a warm feeling and a sense of goodness when you recount your experience and memoirs of this place. Why do you love an identity or culture? Because you feel a sense of pride and identification with its values. You feel that the identity/culture you have is a valuable resource you can tap into for support, self-respect, and strength whenever you need to.
She has never lived there, so I will never expect her to love Sudan just because I wish she would. No matter how many times I recite cheerful stories about my family and relatives, about a fun time I had there, still it is nothing but a “hand-me down” kinds of feelings.
I finally figured out a practical way of making my daughter proud of her identity. It has to be on her own terms and not a forced feeling she feels obligated to live up to.
First, to love something, you have to get to know it. Not through the images of western media of Sudan that would only make her feel violated and ashamed, and not through a romantic and unrealistic- recitation of my own past life in Sudan, but only through first-hand experience can she relate to Sudan. Giving her the opportunity to live her own reality about Sudan and drawing up her own feelings. We have already been there twice, but she was pretty small, now I am hoping she is big enough (though, I know not mature enough) to form her own opinion on the culture and acquire her own memoirs. I know it’s going to be tough, adjusting to a new environment, new setting, not to mention the language barrier, but it’s still worth trying.
Also Rawan, you have talked about the “White Privileges” effect on our own perception of self-image and self-esteem. Breaking away from models that put too much emphasis on economic materiality and individuality as the most two valued concepts in life could also lead your generation to a different kind of thought, it may enable you to think critically about the culture you are living in and why for example, we think a sedentary life, and a fully packed- shelves in groceries is superior to growing our own food and having limited access to food (may be that what makes third-world population leaner than American population). May be we are more superior because our elderly are part and parcel of our household, as opposed to being left to die slowly at senior citizen centers.
We need to dismantle the models that are inherently prejudiced against non-western style of living, and erect our own standards of what healthy civilized living is. Breaking away from the ready made format and maintaining a critical mind all the time, exposing ourselves to different schools of thoughts, not allowing ourselves to be held hostage to a mind-washing ideology.
As to myself, I came here thinking bout independence, freedom of thought and other values. I had always regarded the Sudanese culture as being restrictive for a real free woman”, but guess what, I finally came to the conclusion that American culture –especially the popular/mainstream culture- is not less restrictive, and it is also full of demeaning values on women. So basically it’s who you are and how you think that will free you. I remember in Sudan, despite the oppressive state-apparatus and conservative social views, I felt more uninhibited than how my own daughter is living now, surrounded by Barbie-doll models and skeletoned images of supermodels, held-down by naked black women on BET and MTV video clips, and living her life through Disney channel and movies rather than going outside and experiencing life by herself. Peer pressures, and stereotypes has the same weight on women’s self-image in the American culture as what the conservative oppressive traditions has on young women in Sudan. Nevertheless, I still value many aspects of western-style living, but now my feet are more on the ground than ever before, and I have freed myself from many delusional thoughts regarding western culture as well as my Sudanese identity.
A final point, please don’t pay attention to all the bickering on this board or to the chaotic political seen in and outside Sudan, your generation needs to see and experience Sudan through their own eyes, not to be held down by older generation’s grudges with the system there, or by others who don’t want to see farther their noses. I suggest to go to Sudan, may by stay there for a while, spend a whole year if possible, give yourself a chance to intermingle with the youth and create a channel of communication with them. Introduce yourself to the culture, get acquainted with literary heritage and art, I know there are many good writers and poets in Sudan with great transparency and depth. Once you get a sense of the language and the people, you will find a great joy in reading for them. That way, being proud of your identity is not going to be just a “cliché”.
I don’t know if what I am saying is realistic, and/or suitable for your circumstances, but I know it has been done by others before.
I hope I didn't overstay my welcome here (-:
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AMNA MUKHTAR
أحمد أمين
Walid Safwat
bashir adam abdalla
Soumeta
Saifeldin Gibreel
Outcast
Muhib
فيس بوك
تويتر
انستقرام
يوتيوب
بنتيريست