لخابط الأنام في محاكم العم سامDISODER IN AMERICAN COURTS

يا محامي البورد

هذه حزمة من بعض الأسئلة والأقوال اللامعقولة التي وردت في المحاكم الأمريكية والتي نشرت في كتاب باسم (اللخبطة في المحاكم الأمريكية).. وهي عبارات نقلها صحفيو المحاكم اللذين هم رغم عبثية الأقوال ومدعاتها للضحك والسخرية إلا أنهم أي الصحفيون يبقون هادئيين بينما يتبادل الآخرون من متهمين ومحامين وقضاة تلك الأقوال الغبية.
يا ترى كم من لخبطة وشمشرة في محاكمنا.. وهل يمكن أن ترى تلك الترهات والشمارات التي تزخر بها محاكمنا النور...

أخليكم مع الأقوال...

________________________________
>
>Q: What is your date of birth?
>
>A: July 15.
>
>Q: What year?
>
>A: Every year.
>
>______________________________________
>
>Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
>
>A: Yes.
>
>Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>
>A: I forget.
>
>Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that
>
>you've
>forgotten?
>
>_____________________________________
>
>Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
>
>A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
>
>Q: How long has he lived with you?
>
>A: Forty-five years.
>
>_____________________________________
>
>Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he
>
>woke up that morning?
>
>A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
>
>Q: And why did that upset you?
>
>A: My name is Susan.
>
>______________________________________
>
>Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
>
>voodoo or the occult?
>
>A: We both do.
>
>Q: Voodoo?
>
>A: We do.
>
>Q: You do?
>
>A: Yes, voodoo.
>
>______________________________________
>
>Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
>
>sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
>
>A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
>
>___________________________________
>
> >Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
>
>_____________________________________
>
>Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>
>______________________________________
>
>Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
>
>A: Yes.
>
>Q: And what were you doing at that time?
>
>______________________________________
>
>Q: She had three children, right?
>
>A: Yes.
>
>Q: How many were boys?
>
>A: None.
>
>Q: Were there any girls?
>
>______________________________________
>
>Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
>
>A: By death.
>
>Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
>
>______________________________________
>
>Q: Can you describe the individual?
>
>A: He was about
>medium height and had a beard.
>
>Q: Was this a male, or a female?
>
>______________________________________
>
>Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
>
>deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
>
>A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>
>______________________________________
>
>Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead
>
>people?
>
>A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
>
>______________________________________
>
>Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
>
>A: Oral.
>
>______________________________________
>
>Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the xbody?
>
>A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
>
>A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
>
>autopsy.
>
>______________________________________
>
>Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>
>______________________________________
>
>Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
>
>A: No.
>
>Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
>
>A: No.
>
>Q: Did you check for breathing?
>
>A: No.
>
>Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
>
>began the autopsy?
>
>A: No.
>
>Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>
>A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>
>Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
>
>A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
>
>practicing law somewhere