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English, the Crazy Language by Ali Al-Bashir- Jeddah.
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Mar 29, 2008 - 8:44:30 AM

English, the Crazy Language

 

I tried my best, with genuine will and interest, to learn the English language, but have always been frustrated and confused by the paradoxes of this crazy language. The tricks of this language suggest, for instance, the following puzzles: -

 

  • There is no egg in eggplant or ham in the hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
  • English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France .
  • Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which are not sweet, are meat.
  • Quicksand can work slowly………. Boxing rings are square.
  • If writers write, why not fingers fing, grocers groce and hammers ham????
  • If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth,               1 mouse- 2 meese??????
  • One index, two indices???? Is cheese the plural of choose????
  • If teachers taught, why didn’t breacher braught????
  • If the vegetarian eats vegetable, what does a humanitarian eat?????
  • People ship by trucks and send cargo by ship. People park on driveways and drive on parkways
  • Noses run and feet smell.
  • Slim chance and fat chance carry the same meaning, while a wise man and a wise guy have opposite meanings.
  • When a house burn-up it burns down.
  • You fill in a form by filling it out, and alarm clock goes off by going on.
  • When the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out they are invisible.
  • When I wind-up my watch I start it, but when I wind-up an easy I end it.

 

Finally, let me switch-over, sorry switch-off, the lights and when the lights are on, off, over ,  out - or any of these silly propositions- that will be an indication showing-down…… , no say showing-up my dissatisfaction and a sign bringing-over ……… , no, this is wrong, say brining about disinterest to learn this language.  

 

Ali Al-Bashir- Jeddah.



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